Waiting is hard to do.
Waiting on a reply to an important e-mail. Waiting in line to use the restroom. Waiting for Christmas morning (even though I’m 30).
Know what’s really hard to do? Wait for a baby. I’d venture to say it’s the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do.
To say that we had become impatient in waiting for our baby would be accurate. To say that we had entered the begging/bargaining stage in our prayers wouldn’t be a stretch.
Last Monday evening at bedtime, Claire was close to tears saying she missed our baby and wondering when the little one would be coming along. Chris suggested that we pray about it, and he asked God to give us dreams about our baby and speak to us as we slept.
The next morning – Tuesday – Claire reminded us of our bedtime conversation. “Well, do you guys want to hear my dream?” We were a little surprised that she remembered, and of course, curious. “I had a dream that our baby is now.” Chris and I exchanged a glance, silently asking, What does that mean? We asked for more information and heard matter of factly, “Oh, and our baby is a girl.” I felt a thrill run through me and a fresh burst of excitement fill my heart. But Tuesday passed without a word.
Wednesday and Thursday came and went. Thursday evening I posted something on facebook saying how very anxious we were feeling to get our baby.
Then on Saturday my phone rang. I was doing my hair (after finally changing out of my pjs and showering at 4 pm), so I let it go to voicemail. It was Melissa. After all these months of waiting, all these moments awaiting this phone call, all the days checking my phone 10, 20, 30 times a day, THE CALL went to voicemail. I quickly called back and Melissa filled us in. A birth mom had chosen us and her baby had been born on TUESDAY . Yes, on Tuesday. The morning of the “Our Baby is Now” dream.
This was going to – most likely – be our baby. A baby girl, weighing 5 lbs 15 oz, and 19 inches long. Healthy and staying in transitional care – with a volunteer family – working for our agency. But, it wasn’t a done deal yet. The birth mom, “D”, wanted to talk with us on the phone Sunday evening.
So many questions, thoughts, and emotions were swirling through me. What does she look like? When can we see her? What if…D doesn’t like us? Something goes wrong? What if, what if, what if? And also, Wahoo!!! Our baby girl is here at last!
Sunday night finally rolled around. To say we were a huge ball of nerves would be entirely true. I pressed three wrong buttons before being able to properly answer the phone. Within the first minute of our conversation, we – Chris, me, D, and her mom – all confessed how nervous we were and shared a good, jittery laugh. From there, our conversation went beautifully. All I can say is that D is a delight. We share so many things in common – from playing basketball, to being homebodies, to our dogs being similar. After fearing this phone call for so long, we were unbelievably relieved with how it went. We talked for 45 minutes and soon afterward heard from Melissa that D loved us as much as we loved her. On Monday D met with her caseworker and at 11:44 we go the official word – this baby girl will be ours!
We will travel to Dallas to have dinner with D and her mom on Friday evening. Then on Saturday we will meet OUR DAUGHTER for the first time and get to bring her home.
One of my friends said to me, “Shannon, it’s like you guys have all the emotions of finding out you’re pregnant and having your baby jammed into the same week.” That pretty much hits the nail on the head.
Life right now is a whirlwind – buying a car seat, bottles, and diapers. Taking care of paperwork. Celebrating with friends – and our friends have been over the top amazing – offering meals, making plans to care for Logan while we’re gone, setting up a fundraiser for us. Calling the doctor. Planning family visits. And trying to remember how to take care of a baby.
To say that we are excited would be correct. To say that we are happy would be perfectly true. But to say that we are thankful – that just won’t do. “Thankful” does not do justice to what we feel in our hearts.
I just don’t think there are words strong enough.